


I Wish I Had Waited

by Song_of_Faerghus



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bullying, References to Homophobia, References to Transphobia, high school seriously sucks, ranting, tw f slur used once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 14:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21495442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Song_of_Faerghus/pseuds/Song_of_Faerghus
Summary: I suck at summaries, tags should kinda explain it.





	I Wish I Had Waited

Over the years, even before I realized I was Bisexual, I was strongly and openly supportive of lgbtq+ rights. My classmates knew this. From hearing the word ‘faggot’ used so casually to outright transphobia, they have done and said homo and transphobic things to upset me. Whether or not they truly think that way, they use it to get under my skin. Declaring that there are only two genders and that trans people are mentally ill. 

The day before my 17th birthday, I had an argument about trans rights with a classmate. It ended with me having a panic attack and leaving school early. Over the year and a half that I have been out to my classmates, I have wished though never spoken my thoughts aloud where they could hear them. I wish that I had waited until our graduation coming this May to come out. Other times I wish I hadn’t come out and that I could have gone without ever telling them. That I had remained the quiet girl who listens to the teacher and never really speaks out. I wish I had only come out to my friends and that I only attended our GSA as an ally in the eyes of those around me. That I stayed quiet and had not given them ammunition against me. That I had not left myself open to the bullying that being out of the closet brought. 

I say I’m Bisexual and that I prefer women, marking my attraction as around 80% female. They say “I can be the 20%” and "so I still have a bit of a chance" and I am too fucking polite to say that no you don't have a chance because you're a dick and I hate you. I'm too scared of getting in trouble and how much bigger than me they are to give in to the impulse to punch them.

I wrote a poem saying that when you left the closet everything would be okay but I’m not sure I believe that anymore. Looking back, I wish I had fucking waited. The worst part is that it is only a handful of the guys in my class but it is enough to give me panic attacks and damage my mental health to the point that my whole day is ruined. If I was not in grade 12 I would change schools. I would leave the small private school I’ve been going to since kindergarten. I am so tired of having to explain my existence and the existence of those I care about. I wish I had waited. 

I wish I had fucking waited.


End file.
